Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
