I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
