i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
