I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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