im having a threesome with these popsicles
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I queefed so loud it echoed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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