Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize