found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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