I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
