Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
