just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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