just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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