just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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