So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
