If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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