So drunk its hurt
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
