She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
