I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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