guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
