yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
