we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
