Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
