so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
that's an acceptable place to lick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
