When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
