he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
