Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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