I met the friendliest cop last night
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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