So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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