So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize