Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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