and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
