i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
