PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
my liver is dry heaving
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
