halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
