My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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