I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
