if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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