Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
