Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
