it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
