I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
