I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
