She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
