This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
