are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
