Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sobbing to NWA
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
