Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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