So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
