I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
