I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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