her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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