You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
