I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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