"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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