The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
