haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
