We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
