brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
