is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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