Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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