he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
worst night to have a conscience
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
