You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
