My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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