she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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