Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize