I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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