I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Who died my cat blue again?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
