People in love make me want to vomit
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You ruined the universe
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
