I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
