Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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