then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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