you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
