I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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