I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
