yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
