oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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