I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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