Do you still have your period?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
