Betty ford says i'm here all night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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