so explain again why im purple
no
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
