oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
