Porn is love you can see.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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