Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
