The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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