Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I pour the whiskey from now on
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
