peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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