at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
