He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize