R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
