whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
