I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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