I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
