rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize