I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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