she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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